Not really a break, but a "break"...

So, this past week has been... poppycock to say the least.
I got over my cold, only to catch a worse one, and I've done nothing at all mentionable with my time.
Well, I've cleaned out my closet, but that doesn't really affect me in any way since I never go in there in the first place. It was just something I had on my to-do list for the couple of weeks I have free.
But other than that... I've got nothing.
I had such fun expectations, and they've been shattered.
It's... bleh...

And there is a list of things I want to do, but I can't do any of them.
Mostly, I want to paint a rug onto my floor, but I don't have any paint.
But I have an idea and everything worked out...

Today I feel:
Indigo

indiscernible

I feel very insignificant today.
I mean, it's not like people aren't paying attention to me, they are, but I feel like I'm being drowned out by other people. I mean, I just want one thing, but nobody's listening...

*sigh* this is probably just a temporary thing.
Looking at my schedule for the next couple weeks, there are several opportunities to make it go away; but, I don't see it changing tonight. Or tomorrow, maybe possibly. Wednesday? Um... Friday should be good. I'm expecting a ukulele, and that should distract from myself, but it won't fix anything...
Satur-- No... Not saturday. I don't know...
I guess I'll get through it somehow.
I mean, time won't stop or slow down or anything...
I just have to wait for it to pass.

Today, I feel (felt):
Beige, Grey, and Orange.

*Snork!*

So, I'm sick again. One might hold my lack of physical activity accountable, but I'm going to go ahead and blame this on my lazy immune system. It's a new disease I discovered. I call it LIS, which stands for "Lachrymose Idolater syndrome". But I'm almost finished with this current episode, so I should be back to my old self before the holidays.

I don't think I'm all that selfish, but I often feel it. Often. 
I'm supposed to ask more of people, but I think I'm going to stop completely, because I feel bad for doing it...


Today though... today was awful. All I did was lay in bed and watch movies.
I watched, "I'm a Cyborg, But it's OK", "Pulp Fiction", "The Puffy Chair", and some reruns on IFC, which is always fun. It's a phenomenal channel. But I did this because I was alone in my house all day. I didn't enjoy that. And when they came back, they didn't even bring any left overs from dinner. They obviously don't love me if they aren't willing to put half-eaten, cold food into a Styrofoam prism for me.

I'm lonely right now.
You know what I'm doing tomorrow, though?
Nothing.
I'll probably sleep all day, because that's what my weekends have come to.

And the X-mas isn't going to be any better.
All of my family is a few hundred miles away, so we aren't seeing them, as with my friends.
So it's just going to be me, my cat, my bamboo plant, and my ukulele for a couple weeks.
In my house.
I don't even get to stay anywhere fun.
We never go anywhere anymore...
The last vacation wasn't even a vacation.
It was like, four days in the middle of Wisconsin with my least favourite group of relatives.
And it was a wedding, so it made me feel terrible about myself.
Bleh...

Maybe if I have money and a trip to the craft store, I'll sew together my own friend over break.
That would be fun.
We could go to the park. Well, no we couldn't because it's fucking cold up here in the middle of nowhere.

More ranting!
Everybody in the world needs to learn how to crochet, because I have so many things I want to do, but I have like, six things I need to do for other people first. And it's been that way for a few months.
I learned how to do this for myself...
But I'll continue to do stuff for other people, because that would be mean if I didn't.


Music Time!
Okay, so I've been a fan of Podington Bear for a while, but just recently have I discovered his huge magnitude of freaking amazingness.
This man is Jesus to me.
He takes sound and turns it into this visual, soundual, texturual, fucking masterpiece for your thinking brain to go on an adventure with, and... I love this guy.
Go see/hear/touch his music with your ears and prepare to have them opened to this outer-space, magical unicorn ride that is the most scrumptious thing I'm sure you've ever heard.

I think I'm done now.

Today I felt:
Plum.

As of now, I feel:
Persian Red Dusty Blue.

Numbered Lists.

Things bad with my life right now:

1. I look like a lesbian from 1996.
2. I've recently lost my sense of humour until further notice for reasons unbeknownst to me.
3. I'm still invisible and/or just not worth paying attention to, to everybody around me.
4. I'm tired and uninterested with life.
5. I'm cold.
6. I can't find the remote to my telly, and you can't change the channel otherwise.
7. I need to do laundry, but I'm never home when the washer is empty.

Things not-so-bad with my life right now.

1. I recently finished a hat I can't ever wear because everybody is a fuck nugget.
2. There are some hockey games tomorrow night I get to go to, and pretend to be happy at.
3. I can wear my hat to hockey.
4. I still have one friend from Saint Hell-hole that talks to me when she has time.
5. Breanna has fleas. (that one makes me laugh)

Found.

Imagine this: You are walking down the centre of a parking lot; it is cold and windy outside, you're looking forward, not paying any mind to what's around you, when you spot a bright red piece of plastic in the snow. You pick it up, and low and behold, it's a flash drive! And it's beautiful... Who knows what kind of untold secrets this tiny crimson box withholds. To take it home and plug it in would be like opening up some sort of mysterious treasure chest you found in the trunk of some car.

*sigh* I'm tired.
Long story short, there were some videos of people trying (and failing) to ride on their bikes backwards, and jump over bikes on scooters. Then there was a bunch of music that didn't make sense (i.e. Smooth Jazz, a Soundtrack, and some weird Metal Alt.) Also some pictures of a sad-lookin' beach, some album art pictures, a couple of book reports?, and a "secret diary" entry that was the most boring thing I've ever read.

It was still neat though.

This is what Death looks like.

I'm so terrified of butterflies. Look at the tongue thing. *shiver*

I'M starting to feel like it's been a...

Long while since I started this short story I'm doing, and I already feel like it has been forever.
One day, I want to be able to just sit down and type out ten pages, but I feel like that's never going to happen.
Not that I expect myself to be there tomorrow, or next week, or even in a few years, but still...
Every time I sit down to type a paragraph it seems to go pretty quickly.
Like, I'll look up and a half-hour has gone by.
You know, I just don't think it should take that long to pull a paragraph into existence.
*poof*

When I read what I have typed so far though, I'm extremely happy with what I have.
I am doing a lot better than I thought I would.
Low expectations are good to have. You either do a lot better and are happy, or you fail and it's not all that bad.
Little by little it's coming along, though, and one day it will be done and I will be satisfied.

Yeah... I've been considering posting a WIP of it on dA to get criticism and to see if it's even worth finishing.
On the other hand, I don't know if I want to ruin the surprise, or if it would help me at all.
Unnecessary uploads are a burden on everybody. So, I don't know.

Besides the thing I'm working on now, I have one other really awesome thing I'm doing.
Every time I have an idea, I've been trying to follow through on it... It's going well, I think.

When I finish with these though, I'm not to sure what I'm going to do next.
It's not to often I have kind of interesting ideas like this to write about.
The next time I do might be a long while...
However, they might not. Maybe they'll just keep coming at a steady pace and I won't run out for a while...

Moving on... Hmm... I... Don't think I have anything more to ramble on about.
Eventually I will though, so don't worry. It's not the end of procrastination posts...
¿'kay?

I also have this fear smouldering inside of my chest, eating away at the rational part of my brain.
My heart has been racing for the past few hours...
It makes my stomach feel like it's suspended from my lungs, and it hurts...

I've discovered something Amazing!

There is this thing called mystery google, okay? And it's awesome.
Well, someone put their phone number up with a thing that's like "text me with your deepest secret" and I'm like "Hmm... that's a good idea, I'm going to steal it", so I did and I have had the most wonderful conversations with strangers from all over the place. It's just... fun.
Really fun.

That was a short post.

Love,
Emma

Cluttered.

You know, I'd have to say this is my favourite place on the internet now. Because it's not filled with people that enrage me. It's just a place that's all me, where I can come and enjoy being with myself. It's... Nice. It's not cluttered with people, is what I'm getting at, I guess. But if you ever get lonely, you just go find some people to start talking to. So, you can't lose.

Okay. I started with the labels and such, and it turns out I have a lot of posts that don't have anything to do with anything, so I'm going to start talking about those things so I can use the labels more than once. I'm recycling!

First topic:

Today! I had fun. It was fun. I made a video! With my love. It was just peachy keen.

Here. Go watch. That's me! And I look good. I'm on the internet! Yeah... That's cool.

Second topic:

I have been listening to the Poddington Bear podcast for a while now, and I've kept it secret too long!

Go out and listen! It is by far some of the best music I've heard in a long time. So! Go forth and google or search on iTunes-- just get this into your possession.

Topic Three:

Red.

I recommend it.

Love, 

Emma

Bloggin' time!

Ugh, I have to pee bad...
I am so hyper tonight.
I did not get any of my energy out today. I was on the computer or sitting in front of the telly for the bulk of the day. I hardly ate. And I forgot to shower. Damn... I really wanted to do that. I can smell my feet. And my hair is all... bleh. I can't wait to shower in the morning. First thing I do.

What happened that was interesting... Hmm... I figured out how to loosen my new shoes that I got a few months ago. So I can wear them now. Yay.
And... That's it.
I just needed to be a girl for a few minutes and talk about my day, even though it was BLAND.
Like beige. Beige.
Wow, that's hard to read.
Oh, well.
rarr.

Here. I don't want to be a bitch and not say where I found this.



My floor just vibrated!

Hail, Hail, Thanksgiving.

Ah... The long weekend has been good to me.
Plenty of food, good company, nothing pestering me; I could not ask for more.
Well, I would like someone to do the work I have for the weekend, and I wouldn't mind extending the break for a day or two--I quite enjoy sleeping in-- but what can you do?

Oh, I had this weird dream that I was in an art class at school taught by my chemistry teacher (I have a lot of those, but this one was in a basement rather than on the roof, or a secret room, or just a regular art room, or a real one from my past, et cetera, et cetera...) and this kid came in with a bag that turned out to be a bomb, and everyone escaped from the room except me and my boyfriend, because he want to try and save everybody, but we were tied together for some reason so I couldn't go anywhere and it was hard to walk around, and we were trying to stop the timer, but we couldn't so we leaped out of the screen (Like you were watching my dream on a monitor) and we were in like, an old Gameboy colour, but it was a different scene of real life, and we were in this maze trying to escape the blast range of the bomb, and all of a sudden we were both wearing matching trench coats, and then we were almost out of the maze, but we came to this part where we had to climb up this house plant because we had shrunk down to the size of mice, and my best friend was in the plant with a broken leg because she had been attacked by a giant bug, so I was trying to carry her on my back but it was slowing me down and I couldn't climb up the plant fast enough, so I dropped her down to her death so we could get away and live because the bomb was about to go off, and we got to the top of the plant, and there was this tiny house that we went inside, and it was like the house of my dreams, and it was so beautiful, and we went into the kitchen and there was a dumbwaiter in the back, so we got in it and it took us to the basement and there all that was in there were a bunch of peacocks and polar bears walking around and sitting on all the furniture watching telly and things, and when we stepped out of the dumbwaiter they all just stared at us, so we went back up, but we went past the kitchen to the bed room, and went to bed in this huge, old canopy bed that was covered in gorgeous red bedding because we were so tired from running and then I woke up.

It was interesting.
*sigh*... Sometimes sleeping can be so tiring though.

Life Regrets

Hmm... I hate the colour of my bedroom. And most everything in it.
I want to change it. All of it. It needs to be so different than what it is now.
... I want to paint it red. RED.
But I can't. It's much to large and I have no money.

*sigh*... I want to be able to put an adjective on myself that completely sums me up. After I find that one adjective that fits me, I can find the style that fits that adjective, and then I will finally know what I'm looking for when I go clothes shopping. And in the future furniture shopping. But in the meantime I feel so blank; so lost looking for an identity. Which I guess is kind of good because I'm a blank canvas; I can do anything with myself. But I just don't know what colour to lay down first. Or what kind of paint to use for that matter... Acrylics or oils? Or watercolours? Or maybe I should go a different direction and perhaps use charcoal or pastels. I don't know...

Hmm... Now I want to try and paint how I feel. Maybe I will do that. I have canvas downstairs. The only problem is that I can only paint rubbish. It's all just... poppycock.

I guess the main feeling of tonight is as follows...
I don't know who I am.
Or what I am for that matter.
And I feel lost.
And I feel like I'm going to be lost forever.
Drifting about in a large white space with no sense of direction.

Malevolent Tuesdays

I swear, if this kind of shit life's been throwing at me continues, I don't know how much longer I can take it. I wake up to a lake outside my bedroom door (water heater imploded) and I end it being stuck in a loop of self-hate and woe. I want to say it was okay in the middle, but that was really forced joy. I'm still so fearful of scaring away the couple of relationships I've managed to build up in my time here in the barren wasteland that is this town. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I just... I need to be shown what I'm supposed to do with my life. And I really hope I can have my own success, however tiny it may be. I don't want to be the other fraction of someone else's. I would really like to be able to do something, that makes me feel good and full of purpose. Like I changed the world for the better. Even if it's miniscule. Just... One thing I can call my own. One thing... One... 


I have a secret. And it's this:
I'm scared to become suicidal.
It seems to be whispering to me, and I'm terrified.
I want somebody to tell me that it's never going to come to that, because I have them to catch me.
And I'm not talking about god. Society... I'm talking to you.


*Sigh*... I'm lonely. That's the minor emotion of tonight, by the way.
I'm not going to delve into that. 
I don't feel like talking about it...


This is a good place to complain about things.
I highly recommend it. 


Post Script:
Remind myself to talk about that other thing sooner or later.

Malevolent Mondays

Well, today could've gone a hell of a lot better than it did. But, as life would've wanted me to, I learned something from it. And what is that you ask? Well, you'll have to read to find out. I'm not going to give away the ending when I've just begun...

Let's start off with some of my thoughts of the day, shall we?
(I probably don't--in other words don't-- feel the same way now. I'm just stating how I previously felt. Don't take anything in anyway; I was in a very bad state of mind)

12:49 p.m.
I've come up with another reason as to why I don't like it here: It's because I myself am so far different from everybody else here, when put into a group of people I seem to disappear. My opinion doesn't seem to matter and nither do I. I miss being with my people. My population. My city full of people who respect me. I miss being the star of a conversation. Having people hang on my every word. Being known as the funny, intellegent, cunning linguist I used to be. *sigh*... If only I hadn't been ripped from my environment and placed into this hell-hole of a town maybe my life wouldn't feel as worthless as it does... Oh, do I hate Mondays...

1:53 p.m.
I keep seeing people around town wearing my clothes. I need to start shopping elsewhere. Or making my own clothes. But that would require being "artistic" and "creative" of which, I am neither.

2:15 p.m.
This is the first time I've ever acted out in a way that was distructive. It's fun so far. Maybe I can turn it around into an art form. But I would need money to do that. And creativity...

That's all for now. Hmm... I guess I had more. And at least something a little more interesting at that, but I guess I was wrong. Oh, well. I'm not deleting it now, it took me a good minute to copy and paste that.

Let's see... What else did I want to add... Oh!
Okay. I think I figured out a little something about myself in order to delve into this emotion a bit farther...
I don't fit in with these people in this town at all. And I would complain about how I was so understood where I used to live, but I wasn't there either. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt like I belong somewhere or with any kind of group of people. (And to be honest, I don't think many people have. But I'm talking about myself, not other people...) Although, there is possibly-maybe an exception. And that's him. With him, I feel like there is possibly a place where I could fit into. And it's not him plus all of his friends, it's just him. We are two puzzle pieces that could snap together and then continue on in this world trying to figure out how we fit into the big picture. (By the way, it's a horse.) And so, I find comfort in this. He is maybe-possibly my alcove where I belong. And I am his. But I'm not 100% positive yet. We haven't been able to physically try fitting the pieces together yet. BUT, as far as we both can see (and I'm speaking for both of us) is that we've tried other pieces, they don't work, and we've been next to each other, and we look like we most likely would be able to fit together. The tab and the hole look to be about the same size, and all the angles look to fit and such... And I as well as other pieces in the box would bet money on it. You just can't be 100% positive about the future ever. On anything. That's not logical. But I feel like I could finally belong somewhere with someone, and that's a big thing...

I apologise that I have so much emotional baggage. If you can help me carry it, I will forever be there for you and yours, and all I want in return is a little help with some baggage. Doesn't that sound like a good deal?I think it does...

I keep forgetting this exists...

I'm continually thinking to myself "I wish there was a place I could just complain about things and shit" and then it occurs to me, I have this blog set up for just that.

*Sigh*!..
Have you ever been stuck in one of those I'm-So-Lonely-and-Unappreciated loops that seem to go on for ever? Well, that's what I'm experiencing right now. And I don't mean to be such an attention whore, but I can't help it. It's not like I want to feel this way. It's just all day all I hear about is people complaining about their lives or people brag about how wonderful their lives are, and I'm sick of it. Nobody ever wants to listen to how shitty I feel or about my day (which was pretty good on a creative note; I am quite pleased with myself.) And it's been like this for a while. I would know. I've complained about it on here before. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared of losing my people because they don't want to take time to figure out what's bugging me. I'm so sick of talking about this, but I really feel like nobody cares about how I feel. Like, genuinely cares about my feelings and would like to understand why I feel a certain way about something or whatever! I just want to be on the receiving end of some comfort for a while. It would be nice...
That's so selfish, but I needed to say it.
It's... never mind. Forget I said anything, I don't want to be a bother anymore.
But I think I would be so blissfully happy if someone, just out of the blue asked me how I felt, and if it wasn't so good, they asked me why. And then they tried to make me feel better about it. I think just about everyone in my life gets to that third step and then is distracted by someone/something else.
You know?

I'm so bored. I want to go out and live my life, but nobody seems to want to with me anymore.
I mean, it's 9:20. The night just started. I want to go see the lights illuminate the city and I want to be around other people who want to as well. I want to go dance and eat and drive and just enjoy existing. But I can't. I'm stuck in here.

This is a very annoying post. I wouldn't want to read it if I was someone else.
Sorry.
But I do feel a little better now.
Just a tish bit.
*sigh* I need to talk to someone...

Reposting:

I know it's probably not the most non-lazy thing to do, but I just have to post this post I read on one of my daily blogs. It's fantastic.

Good day.

I had a great day. Not just in real life, but on the internet too.
I found this awesome little site. Here is a souviner I picked up from it.


Created by Oatmeal

Rich Fulcher flips off LA

This... this is what I like doing.
This is what I used to do.
Maybe I should work up to being that again...
A little rebelious...

Huzzah!!!

I just bought my new album!
Yay!
I'm on the fourth track right now.
It's really fantastic.
*sigh*...
Yes. I'm happy.
I just finished eating breakfast-lunch-dinner and over all I feel pretty satisfied.
I could go for a shag, but it's just me here so I guess that will have to wait...


I wrote quite a bit today.
I think I'm going to take a short break from concentrating on poetry and move to more philosophical things. Just for a little bit.
My brain is spitting out those kinds of things so I'm going to roll with it.
It's also thinking up really silly, witty prose, and I'm quite happy with that.
I hope we can work something out to continue the manufacturing of silly, witty prose.

Hmm...
I'm in love.
And it feels good.
I want to visit a place that looks how I feel.
Holland?
Possibly...

I almost forgot what I came here for!
I've been reading this comic I re-found on the internet.
Lovely!
This is not my favourites, but it kind of went with my day so I wanted to share...

Love,
Emma

Billy Williams?

You know... I've been thinking quite a lot the past week... and it turns out all of my problems are completely internally-created. Get it? I make my life harder for myself. And I don't mean to do it. I really wish I could change my personality a little bit so I wasn't an opportunistic, jealous (this seems to be my biggest problem), kind of person who bottles up her emotions and doesn't know how to put herself before others. That would help immensely. But then I think... Would it really?
If I didn't make myself miserable, would I still be a moderately happy person? If there was nothing for me to complain about; If there was nothing for me to be sad about, would I still be happy?
I don't think so.
I think I need to be depressed to be happy.
I need a reason to be the centre of attention.
Why?
Why do I need people to be sympathetic for me?
There is nothing wrong with my life.
I have a fantastic life compared to most of the world.

... What's wrong with me?
And what would happen if I could forget about all that.
Ignore the things that bother me and find peace within myself.
Start on a path for finding peace within the world, and eventually the universe...
Hey...
Is that what enlightenment is?
Hmm...
Then again, what would that be?
"Enlightenment".
In other words, total happiness.
Bliss if you will.
Eternal bliss.
Is that possible?
Can any one living creature forget all the things that upset them, be content with themselves, not be angry with anyone being on earth, and just be satisfied with the overall state of the universe?
Has anything done that?
Can the brain do that?
Can I do that?
Could I be the first to?
Should I even bother?
I'm just going to die.
And so is everyone.
Everything is going to revert to it's original state of simple matter eventually.
Is there any point to anything?
Does anything I do matter if it's not going to change the eventual, final outcome?

I don't know...

Lawl.

I had to share this because I can't stop laughing.
It's... delightful!

Dancing.

Tomorrow is going to be so long.
I'm going to be leaving my house at eight in the morning, and returning after nine...
That's ridiculous.

Hmm... I don't really have anything to say, I'm just using this to procrastinate.
I have so little work to do, but I don't want to do it...
So I'm just going to be spitting out random thoughts.

Hey, I think I know how I want to contribute to society!
I think. I don't know.
I still have to philosophise about it for quite some time, but I'm pretty sure I have myself almost figured out.
I'm happy.
Although I'm still very upset because I can't do a stupid cartwheel.
That should be an easy feat to accomplish!
But I can't. >:(
I will though.
Someday...

One. More. Week.
I have been waiting two months for this album to come out.
The date is written on all of my calendars.
And. I. Am. So. Excited.
... Yay!
I'm going to blag about it when I purchase it.
Be prepared...

Do you like my new background colour?
It's called "FFFFCC".
I love it.
I wish I had a room this colour.
Or something large that I look at everyday.
Such as a couch or a person or something.
I don't know...

I'm going to leave now.
To... dance.
To dance the dance of life!
Woo!

Day Too Soon

I'm having one of those moments right now, where you need someone to sympathise with you, so I'm reaching out to the internet.

I... am terrified of things to come. I don't know what I want to do with myself. I don't know how I should contribute to society. I feel like the only thing I'm suited to do is sit behind a desk in a monotone office. I don't want to do that... I want to be able to make wonderful things and have people enjoy them, but I haven't had a creative thought in like a fortnight and I feel like I'm never going to get one again. I don't know what do to... There is so much more that is upsetting me, but I want to keep it to myself for now...

Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick...

Have I used that title before?
Possibly...
Is anybody interested in what I have done with my self in two months?
I know I'm not... but here it is in as few words as I can make it...
In no particular order... (of course)...

later...

I am deeply bothered.

Okay, I'll start.

Holy Shit
I'm sick of being a good friend.
I feel like I am constantly being poked at by other people. I'm just so flustered right now I can't get anything out. The past week has just been a constant show. I've been entertaining people, and trying to fix their sad little lives. I mean, I wouldn't mind doing this sometimes, but it's just problem after problem. But I'm scared that if I stop being so compassionate toward people, I won't have any left. They will leave because I don't serve a purpose to them. I don't know. I'm in a predicament.
I need to be a little less caring maybe.
Yeah.
I need to be more selfish.
Yeah.
I'm going to be a little more selfish.
It might do me some good.


I thought I had more, but I guess I don't.
Actually, I made some shit over spring break.
I will post pictures later because it is some cook shit.

I miss my Grittus.

Grritus grittus grittus.
I think I'm going to e-mail him.
It's been like, 4 score and twenty years.
That's too long.

But she... only sleeps, with me.

I knew I had that song on my computer.
I'm not completely... forgetful.
I guess.
That sentence came out weird.
I should've started it differently.
That's not even the point I was trying to get across.

Okay, I'm so pissed.
I was looking up herbal cigarettes, and they all have tar in them.
And that's what I"m trying to get away from.
So... that's dumb.
I'm just going to smoke tea leaves or something.
I read this blog, and this chick did that, and she's still posting, so...
And I'll use organic.
But, smoking totally appeals to me.
Just not conventional cigarettes.
Those are bad.
Anyway...

I was out dancing in my secret place, and this really attractive guy was totally hitting on me.
I gave him my number.
It was amazing.
He's like, two years older than me, but that appeals to me.
Younger men are disgusting.

I have found a new friend!
It's great.
She is so weird.
We were eating lunch together today in my cubicle, and we reminisced about how we stole things as young children, and we talked about shampoo.
It was really fun.

I have more, but I'm going to stop there.
Sorry, no extra digital content.

I am fantastic.

Ow!
I'm in pain.
Someone is hitting me with a thing.
It hurts so bad.
I'm going to bruise.

This is so sexy.

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

It's decided!

This summer when Cj comes up for a week, we are going to go camping.
I'm excited about it.
We were talking about how we hate other people interacting with us most of the time, and I suggested that we run away to a forest for a couple days, but camping seemed like a better idea.
Safer.

I ain't wack!
Step-off, bitch.

Um...
Shit.
I can't ever remember anything.

Crap, I love to dance.
I can't wait until I have a car.
On the weekends I'm going to kidnap Cj, and we are going to go to Minneapolis to dance.
Just do that all Friday and Saturday night.
We'll come back on on Sunday.
That will be amazing.
I don't know if I can get Cj to dance though.
Maybe I will take Heather.
She seems like she would be more willing to dance, but I don't know if she could stay serious about it.
But, Maybe all three of us could go together.
Cj and Heather would get along.
But that would be three people.
That's a big social no-no.
I need one more slightly attractive, some-what outgoing (but more closed in) female friend.
That has gas and food money.
That's going to be a tough one.
I'll look around for one.

I'll have to put that on my to-do list.

Picture time.
Hey, I went to this hotel for a week one time.
And I got like, six things out of this machine, and I decided that if there is a god, (Like, what, 0 percent there is) but if so for some reason, this is it.

This is uh... Something I enjoy...

Um... I have been a fan of this man for a while, and he popped up again in the timeline of me. So I thought I'd share.
Have a not bad day.

Last night was fan-damn-tastic...

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick.
I had the most amazing dream last night.
Not only did it give me an enormous amount of entertainment in my sleep, but it answered like, the question that has been on my mind for the past couple weeks.

But holy shit...
Should I tell you about it?
I don't know if I should.
I guess I will.

It started out, wait... my tea is ready... whoa, I let that steep to long, oh well, I'm not going to waste tea.

Any way...
It started out at the place I rehearse for my band, but our director was Luke Willson, and he was all like, earth child, and... woo!, and it was weird, because he knew nothing about music; and so I was sitting in my normal spot, but Brittany wasn't there, and neither was Sam, so I was sitting next to the guy that I normally sit by, and he leaned over to ask me a question, and I told him, but I didn't have any idea what I was talking about; any way, he didn't go back, he was still leaned over next to me, and I said to him, "I like your glasses", and I tried to playfully take them off and put them on me, but I had like, no depth perception, and I kept missing, and he was laughing, and he said to me "Don't you have a crush on me?", and I was like "Yeah, a huge one." And he said "oh, well I have one on you." And we were laughing and I said, "You want to go out sometime?" and he said "Yeah!" and I was like "Great!", so we left all of a sudden, and then we were in the back of my old car, And there were all these blankets and comforters everywhere, and it was really weird, and my mom was driving, and we got to my house, and I got out really fast, and ran to my bedroom, and threw everything in my closet, and cleaned everything, and went back to the garage to get him, and he said "what were you doing?", and I said that I was cleaning my room, and he said "You were cleaning for me? I think that's so sexy", and I said "You know what I think is sexy?" and I climbed on top of him, except he was facing down, and we were in the back of my old car, which is a minivan, so it was like a bench, but I fell off of the seat, and he said "I did that just before you came back" and we laughed and went back to my room, but the hallway was like, 10 metres longer than it normally is, and we got to my room, and we were on my bed, which was like, twice as big as it normally was, and we sat down and he kissed me real quick, but then I pulled him in towards me, and we started to make-out, but it was weird, and think it was because I think in real life my cat was licking my face in my sleep, and then we were doing that for like, ever and I was so happy, and it was great.
And then my cat woke me up because he wanted breakfast.

But it was good.

I shouldn't even be posting.

I don't have anything to say.
I just kinda wanted to post this picture of some food.
I'm using it as album art for my album that I made.
It has two songs on it.

Ugh...
I just got really uncomfortable for a second.
That's been happening a lot lately.
Crap!
Okay, never mind.
Hmm.
But yeah, this is weirdin' me out.
I would like it to stop.
I don't think I can though.

Food:

My two loves come together.

Here is this.

He is so attractive.
Right?
Just... copy and paste.
Watch the whole thing... but it's at the beginning and end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHOPJ4XeHIE&feature=related

You took the words right out of my mouth.

This is crap.

Fuck it.

I hate everybody.

The end.

baffle, mystify, bemuse, perplex, puzzle, confound, informal flummox, faze, stump, fox, discombobulate, bedazzle.

Do you see a pattern?

Ugh...

My brain is so sad.

I need to talk to Heather.

I don't know anything about anybody up here, and she hasn't been around to guide me around the icky people, so I've been sitting here trying to sort through it myself.

Which is a horrible idea because I'm am very co-dependant.

I think I'm falling for this guy.

I don't want to.

But I am.

He reminds me of brad, but more like Billy.

Ew... People can't name their kids in Saint Cloud.

I miss Billy so much.

He was such a good friend.

Any ways...

I think if I don't talk to Heather about him, I'm just going to to something myself.

I might...

I don't want to give to much away.

It seems... almost tacky.

So...

Here is like, my favourite LOL cat ever.

Yuck.

I'm such a girl.

Ha ha...

Speaking of masturbate...

I'm going to add more

Now I'm listing to a Moby song.

I quite enjoy Moby. The song is "Porcelain".

It's really good.

Also, I was going to add that...

Crap, something.

That umm...

Well, I will remember sooner or later.

I will post after my band thing tonight also.

Maybe, I hope to.

I think I will since I don't have much work.

Weekend Update

This is my weekend update.

I went to that icky thing with my family.

It wasn't as bas as I thought it would've been.

But then again, nothing is.

I ate a salad, and one of my girlfriends from Saint Cloud came up and she came back to my house for the long-weekend.

We had a good time.

We made some crap, and did some shit on the Wii.

Fun was had by all.

I ate so much.

I couldn't stop being hungry.

And today, I wasn't hungry at all.

I was so depressed today.

I didn't want to get out of bed.

I wanted to cry like, all day but I couldn't because I was out in public.

I remembered something about myself today.

I get jealous so bad and so easily, and for really stupid reasons.

And then I get sad.

It's bad.

Augh!

I got carbonated beverage in my hair and it's so sticky.

I'm going to go wash it out.

I can't wait to take a shower tonight.

I have to go to this thing tonight for my band.

I don't really want to go.

But I have to.

Hey, Mr. Big is going to be there.

No!

Not Chris Noth!

This guy who, I guess I would say I'm sexually attracted to him, but I'm not like, trying to get him to like me, but if he does then that's absolutely fantastic.

You know?

Sorry, that was kind of hard to follow.

Maybe.

To me it makes sense, but I came up with it, so naturally it would.

IF I was trying to make sense.

Even if I wasn't I think I could still follow it myself.

Or at least make something up to it, but that's just me, I like to make things up.

Hmm...

I love kissing.

I had this thought kind of, and it was kind of like a situation that I came up with in my mind, and it made me really happy, but I can't remember what it was.

That makes me sad, because I liked it.

It was like a dream that I had when I was awake.

Crap-o.

Lately, not lately, like, the past six months or so I've had a really hard time separating my dreams from reality.

Like, I got really pissed at one of my friends for something that happened in my dream, and I seriously thought that it happened for real. But it didn't.

And I was really really confused.

That happens to me all the time.

If you leave I just don't think I could take it.

I'm listing to "Ladies of Cambridge" by Vampire Weekend.

It's a really good song.

I love it so much.

I got it this weekend.

I highly recommend it.

Now I'm going to look at the free song/video of the week.

They were all very bad.

I didn't like the free song, the discovery, or the video.

Another bad week.

Last week was bad too.

But the one before was pretty good.

If you haven't looked at them you can skip it.

Or look out of curiosity.

I would if I was in this situation.

Because I can't take not knowing something.

You know?

I'm going to stop before I ramble.

This is so damn cute.

Look!

It's in a sweater.

That is so priceless.

When I began to think that anteaters couldn't get any cuter, I stumble across this photograph.

Sigh.

I hope this made your day.

I lied.

I didn't post on Tuesday.

I'm not going to tell you about my doctor's appointment.

Not that it went bad or anything, but I'm far too lazy.

My god, I hate everyone else.

I'm so disappointed in the rest of the population.

I thought people in my town were just stupid, but it turns out that it's just that I'm fucking brilliant.

Also a bit vain I guess.

Here is a picture. I quite enjoy it.

Please leave me the hell alone.

Oh my god, people won't leave alone.

I have no idea why.

Also, today was so awkward.

I don't know why about that either.

After I do laundry, I'm going to go to my room and dance all by myself.

That will be nice.

Crap... This weekend I have to go to this tiny little town, which used to be awesome, because it's where one of my favourite authors, Sinclair Lewis, was born, but once I got there, yuck. People have turned it into this trailer trash town. Some beautiful homes, but the people are disgusting. Like, hicks.

When I go there, I feel like I'm in rural Georgia or something.

But I get at brunch at this hotel, and it's really cool there.

And it's pretty good.

I'm not sure what I'm going to eat since I recently went veg.

I guess I can eat what I had last time, but I'll pick around the stuff.

I guess it's just chicken though.

I like chicken.

God, I can't wait 'till I meet my husband and figure out what kind of diet I need to have.

I could go either way with that.

That reminds me, I was at this Greek place with my mom, and this awesome guy walked in, and he totally got the same kind of falaffle as me.

It was so awesome.

He was like, way older than me.

Not really, but my parents probably would've not been to happy if I brought him home one weekend.

I just ate this really awesome soup.

It was like, vegetable, but it wasn't grossly tomato-y, and it was really good.

I'm glad I ate it.

Hmm...

I'll probably add more later.

Or at least tomorrow.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

I'll more than likely post about that.

Later.

I'm so sick.

It hurts me physically.

Besides that I had a pretty good day.

It made me happy.

But I was so sick.

It was groos.

Not gross, groos.

I like that better.

But yeah.

I had some Chinese for dinner.

It was pretty much delicious.

There is a party in my tummy.

So yummy, so yummy.

*Sigh*...

Mmm...

My fortune was pretty much the second best one I've ever got.

It said:

"The current year will bring much happiness."

... In bed.

Isn't that what you're supposed to put afterwords?

I'm pretty sure it is.

But still.

Awesome, right?

I've got a thing for you, You've got thing for me.

I'm listing to the free music video of the week form iTunes.

It's like, the best one so far.

Ever since they started that, I've only disappointed with it like, twice.

Which is pretty impressive I think.

*Cough cough*

Yuck.

*Burp*

Whoa.

That was pretty much the best.

But oh, today I was so sick.

I didn't not feel pretty at all.

Which is weird because actually like, two people made me feel pretty today.

Hmm...

If that makes sense.

But it should.

Yeah.

I love boys.

My thing was awful.

My butt hurts.

I had to sit on a plastic slab for like, two hours.

It was so awful.

Oh, I was looking at this thing, and I thought that Eric--you know, Eric--was going to come up here, but it looks like not.

I wanted to be like, "Look, I'm still desirable to you. Ha ha! You can't have me!"

And that would've been awesome.

He is such a bigot.

But he can't help it.

I have mixed feelings about the situation.

Mmm...

My brain is... broken.

It needs to be fixed.

I'm so proud of myself though.

Today, I went beyond my comfort zone.

Even thought I probably shouldn't have, but I still did it.

Yeah...

Go myself.

I need to get some Cherry ChapStick.

Not because of that, but because of something else.

Eww...

Sometimes, I don't much care for Pop culture these days.

But I do like ska.

That's the other thing.

Ask me if you want clarification.

I had a good idea.

But it is a silly one.

I'm going to cut this off all of a sudden.

I can't speak the Spanish.

Holy crap, I have so much work to do.

It's not even funny.

I hate this.

And I'm sick.

And I have to go to this stupid thing in an hour.

I don't even know if it's in an hour.

I'm just guessing.

I wouldn't have to if someone would call me back!

But no.

Phones aren't for talking on anymore.

Dumb-ass people.

I'm sure I"m right though.

And if I'm not it's not that big a deal.

Maybe, I don't know.

But it's always at this time.

So...

Okay!

New topic, this one is upsetting me.

As of late, I have run into situations, more like lessons, in my life that are so cliché.

It's really weirdin' me out.

Like, something straight out of the telly.

Crazy crazy.

Sigh...

I need a new cellular telephone.

Mine has bitten the dust.

What else?

...

I don't think there is much else.

Maybe after my thing tonight I will tell you how it went.

Please don't void your bowls on my rug.

I came home early today.

I am sick.

Hmm...

Blogging in the afternoon.

Ha ha...

Afternoon delight.

I like that song.

It's okay.

Hmm.

I have nothing else really to say.

Crap.

I can't find my phone charger, and my phone is dead.

That is a bad situation.

I'm sure it's under the couch somewhere.

Still.

People are going to be curious of my whereabouts in about an hour.

I'm going to take a much needed nap.

Then I have work to do.

I have a question.

Never mind.

I can't word it the way I want to.

It sounds really dumb.

I will just ask Cj or Kasey.

They always have an answer for these kinds of questions.

P.S.

I couldn't find any picture to relate to my day, but i found this video.

I wish I could find the music on iTunes. But I can't.

(sad face).

Still a great video though.

How To Shower - Men Vs Women - The top video clips of the week are here

Today was a very sexy day.

A very sexy one indeed.

Not, like, sexy...

wait let me change it,

Today was a very marvellous day.

No, not even.

It was just good.

It was very good.

On the high end of good.

Anyway...

But yeah, it was a very sexy day.

Some of the sexy was weird and uncomfortable, but otherwise it was good.

I had a conversation with that guy.

You know who I'm talkin' about.

The one I talked about a while ago.

I... it sounds lame, but I could not stop smiling afterwords.

It was good.

But yeah, a real- though three sentence- conversation.

It's a start...

And then the other guy, from my dream a while back, he got pretty close to me.

In real life even.

Not in a dream.

I'm lame.

But it was good for me.

Still though...

In the middle of the day I just kind of deflated.

I got pretty depressed.

Not about anything, but you know that feeling.

'Twas just sad.

But I'm pretty good right now.

I can't wait until Cj calls me and I can tell her about my day.

She makes me happy.

Ha ha...

I want to have kinky sex in a shower somewhere.

That will be a goal of mine.

I will have to write that down with the others.

I'm going post my goals on here someday.

I think they are pretty good.

I would love someone else's opinion when I do.

(Large wink)

loveyougoodbye

This is the happiest thing in world.

This made me laugh so hard.

I wish you were there to see it.

I love this more than anything in the world.

I would pay like, 50 dollars for a shirt.

Here is the picture.

I hadn't expected such an upbeat day.

Today was fast and exciting.

Like a... fast and exciting... trip of some kind.

Anyway...

It was good.

And I got a comment!!!

I was ecstatic when I saw that!

People are looking at my words!

That makes me feel nice.

Maybe I won't sound so depressing anymore.

I mean, I'm sure I will in the future, but for now, it's all good.

Yeah.

I'm pretty good right now.

Green!

'Twas a slow day Mr. Green...

Like, nothing has happened in forever.

It's been a slow January.

Ah...

Anyway...

Today wasn't all that bad.

In the middle of my day, I got so depressed.

I wanted to lay down on the floor, but there were people around so I couldn't.

That guy, Is so fantastic.

I wish I wasn't such a freak.

I can't talk to anybody.

And the people I can talk to, talk to each other through me.

That is so annoying.

Ugg...

The people who live in this town shouldn't be able to raise kids.

Everybody is such an idiot.

I need to run away from here, but I'm not financially... fuck, I can't even remember what I was going to say.

But I don't have enough money, and I have yet to find a travel companion.

And I don't even know what I would do with my cat.

I would take him with, but that seems like it would be a struggle.

Maybe if I had a travel companion, it would be easier.

I'm going to go make a sandwich soon.

I want one.

There are all these things that I need to know, but by the time I'm in a position to find information about them, I forget what I was doing in the first place.

I need to drink TaB.

I have lived my life without doing so, and I think that it's time to do that.

Augh!

That's not a word.

But anyway...

When I'm e-mailing with people and I use a word or a cultural reference that they don't know, they don't even bother to look it up.

I mean, you have a COMPUTER in front of you.

Look it up!

It's not like you are going to reply right away anyway.

Take a minute to NOT look like a lazy idiot, and go look it up!

Learn something new.

I mean really.

It happens ALL the time.

I hate kids also.

I'm not saying that they are bad, but I' am so annoyed by other people's kids.

They are so loud, all the time.

It's ridiculous.

I wish it would go away.

I wish everything I don't like would go away.

Ah!

I have been looking for a grey shirt, just something casual to wear with jeans, but they don't make any, and I don't have instructions or access to a sewing machine, so I can't do anything about it.

It's sew annoying.

Ha ha ha...

I love puns.

Also I love pantomimes.

Like the street performing ones.

It is so neat.

I wish people could appreciate them.

But they don't.

I have a lot more to complain about, but also a lot more to do.

Happy Birthday Jackson Pollock!

You made me love abstract art.

Today was a busy day...

Well, not really.

It was actually rather boring.

I watched some movies, loitered, and played my clarinet.

Oh!

Also, I walked right into a love triangle.

Yeah, tell me about it.

It consists of me, and Best friend, and this guy.

Is this cliché or what?

I'm totally serious about it too.

I always thought this situation would be an easy one, but boy was I wrong.

More on this story as it develops.

Which won't be until at least Wednesday because I have Monday and Tuesday off.

Here is an interesting picture that I think describes my situation perfectly.

Forgot again!

Oh!

Did you hear what PETA is doing?

They are calling fish "Sea kittens".

I think that is a very cleaver thing.

They are doing that to try to make saving fish more appealing.

Great idea PETA!

I think that is really cleaver.

It gives them a lot to work with.

Nice.

If you haven't seen, I put a banner at the top. UP^

I would buy a shirt from them if I had some money to spend for internet clothes.

But I don't.

I spent it all on SoyJoy bars.

Here is a link.

Tales from the internet...

Today I was looking for things on the internet.

While I was doing so, I mistook the URL bar for the google search bar, and the internet took me to a site, get this... called the digital giraffe. And my first thought was "neat-o! Digital... giraffes." But it's actually a site with pictures of digital sculptures. This disappointed me. I was expecting much more. One funny thing, was that her e-mail address is giraffe@giraffe.com. That is pretty neat. But it's stupid because nowhere did I see any sign of giraffes. Very frustrating. Hey, this is a good song. Sorry, change of topic... anyway, I'm listing to one of my stations on Jango.com, (if you are a music lover and don't have an account on there I highly recommend it), and this song came up, called "Aquarius (Version 3) by Boarders of Canada. You should look it up. Because I like it. And I have pretty good tastes in music.  Speaking of music, nearly all day I had a David Bowie song stuck in my head. Has that ever happened to you? I'm sure it has. It happens to everyone. I enjoy David Bowie.

Last night, I think I had that same dream that I had explained to you earlier. Actually, I think I thought about it so much today, I can't remember my dream form last night and replace the missing memory with a familiar one.

That sounds much more probable. New song! Calvin Harris too. Very nice! Electro Man.

This is good so far. Very good.

I approve of it.

Because Calvin Harris is a very hit or miss kinda guy.

But this is good.

Danceable.

You know who is danceable?

Datarock.

Apple has used their album art for the new Nano commercials.

Which is good.

Gives them a boost.

*yawn*

See you later.

It is late...

Today was a day of procrastinating.

It is late and I'm scrambling to finish things so I don't have to go to bed late.

But whilst I was procrastinating, I found the funniest comic.

I had a picture ready for today and everything, but this is just top drawer.

Take a gander.

This should be added too.

Okay, normally I'm against posting things twice in one day, but I think it would be a good idea to post my dreams on here, because they are mildly entertaining.

Okay, here is one I had a couple nights ago.

I was walking around inside this big building, okay? And all of the people who are in one of my business classes, were there, and we were walking around, and all of a sudden it got very dark and this fog started to roll in, which was weird because were were inside, and then this fountain full of green stuff and fog popped up in the middle of the room, and I ran into this guy I sit next too in my class in real life and I leaned in to hug him, but it was just his waist, and we just stood there for a while, and then he picked me up and we ran out into this canyon, and we were running from something and all of a sudden these boulders that were alive were chasing us and we ran into a cave, and Kyle was there, and we said 'hi' and then left and run up this cliff into this house were this women was entertaining a weird group of people, and she was talking about the renovations she had made to her house, and I was thinking that it was just a horrible thing to do with a house because there was all this wasted space and these stupid shelves that had no purpose, but then the guy picked me up again and we jumped out the window, and the boulders were chasing us again, and then we ran up another cliff to Ireland, and then we walked into a pub, and it was the same pub from the movie about the two guys that go to England and one gets killed and the other is a werewolf, you know that movie, which is a good movie, but I haven't seen it in a while, so it was weird that it was in my dream, but then we started to drink champagne, and there was so much of it, and then we ran away in to this field back into the library type building we were in in the beginning of my dream and then the dream started over again, and I woke up.

It was a good dream.

Maybe not...

Well, I've decided that I'm much too lazy to do anything good with my time, so I'm just going to do what I do.

This isn't going to be anything more than a diary of some sort, where I will spill all of the sexy crazy things that happen in my day to day life. Take for example what I did today.

I went to Barnes and Noble and got some really good books.

Then I got my hair cut, and went to Target.

What will I do next?

Here is another picture I quite enjoy.

Turn around.

I've decided that this could use a turn around.

Not that I'm talking to anybody, really... I doubt that anybody actually reads this, but I'm going to change things up a bit, starting with the whole "theme" of this.

Black?

A bit dreary for the kinda thing I'm thinking of.

Here is a picture.

Yucky.

Did you think I left?

I didn't.

I'm right here.

Where I've always been.