9 November, 2008

Here are some more things I have overheard within the last couple of days.

1. It appears I have stolen someone's pencil.

2. She's not blind, She's deaf!

3. Let's play the penis game!

4. Do you see my boots? Do you seem them? Look!

5. But when you wash with it, it melts, so it is pointless.

6. I would steal that, but I have higher moral than one might think.

7. I can stand erect and on two legs!

8. She didn't understand that 'Observate' wasn't a word.

9. Penis!!!

Ranting.

I hate my writing.

I can't string together a decent sentence.

It sounds so forced.

Don't you agree?

Take a lookie.

I thought I might try to entertain you with a little guessing game.
Which one is me?

I'll give you a hint.

(I'm not a brunette.)

I love nostalgia...

Today I was in the basement rummaging through boxes, when I stumbled upon a box full of my old Barbies™.
I was looking through them all and it made me remember when my parents buy me one as a reward for my good behaviour.
So I went and kidnaped my parents and took them to buy me one.
But once we got there all I saw were small plastic whores in boxes.
It was ridiculous!
They had such little clothing on it seemed pointless to dress them at all.
Where are the independent plastic women of my youth?

I didn't mean to eavesdrop...

These are some things I overheard today...

1. Trail Mix! I knew it!
2. Oh potato, you truly do understand me...
3. I can almost do the splits. Roger will be very happy about that.
4. Oh my god... Oh my god... Oh my god!
5. I bit into it, and there was nothing there, completely hollow.
6. How can you tell me you don't think this looks like an apple slice?
7. Move out of my god damn way! Fat fucking bastard.
8. It was almost a brown, but not quite, so I told her it will not do.
9. I think Madagascar would be the perfect spot, but how would we obtain it?

Wrong Number

Today I went to call-up one of my old friends, but instead I dialed the number of an intoxicated person.
When he said 'hello' I instantly knew I had the wrong number since I was calling a female, so I was about to apologize for dialing the wrong number, but he interrupted me with this question:
"Have you heard about the Myan civilization?".
So I answered 'yes', because I have, I'm not going to lie to a helpless drunk.
And for half an hour he was telling me about the Mayns.
And then he stopped to tell me I have a very beautiful voice...
And it's little things like that that make my day.

Subject: Please stop watching me eat.

To: the group of attractive people who like to stand outside my kitchen window and watch me eat.
From: Me, who else would it be?

Body:
I know there is some group of people who like to come 'round my house when I eat dinner.
I've seen you do it.(You aren't very sneaky.)
I don't know why you do it, I don't know how long you've been doing it, but I would more than appreciate it if you would stop.
It is making me terribly self-conscious about my eating, and have been seriously considering that I stop.
Now, if I did that i would wither away into nothing, and if I did that... well I can't imagine I would feel very good about doing that to someone, and I'm sure you wouldn't either.

Cough Cough.

I'm very sick.
It makes me upset.
I'm coughing all over the place.
It's disgusting.
I should probably take something.
But why bother, it's all placebos anyway.
Waste of my money.

Umm...

I forgot what I was going to say.
Maybe I'll tell you later if I remember.

I love tweed hats.

That was a terrible idea.

I can't think of any reason why I would have started that other blog.
It's not even interesting.
I don't think I did it.
I think it was someone else.
Maybe it was Emma.
She is quite the bitch.
Always yelling.
I don't know why I talk to her.
Well, I might as well finish what she started.
I'm always doing that,
Picking up pieces.
Of things, of people.
It's quite a hassle.
I suppose someone has to do it.
Sigh...
I hate other people.