Life Regrets

Hmm... I hate the colour of my bedroom. And most everything in it.
I want to change it. All of it. It needs to be so different than what it is now.
... I want to paint it red. RED.
But I can't. It's much to large and I have no money.

*sigh*... I want to be able to put an adjective on myself that completely sums me up. After I find that one adjective that fits me, I can find the style that fits that adjective, and then I will finally know what I'm looking for when I go clothes shopping. And in the future furniture shopping. But in the meantime I feel so blank; so lost looking for an identity. Which I guess is kind of good because I'm a blank canvas; I can do anything with myself. But I just don't know what colour to lay down first. Or what kind of paint to use for that matter... Acrylics or oils? Or watercolours? Or maybe I should go a different direction and perhaps use charcoal or pastels. I don't know...

Hmm... Now I want to try and paint how I feel. Maybe I will do that. I have canvas downstairs. The only problem is that I can only paint rubbish. It's all just... poppycock.

I guess the main feeling of tonight is as follows...
I don't know who I am.
Or what I am for that matter.
And I feel lost.
And I feel like I'm going to be lost forever.
Drifting about in a large white space with no sense of direction.