I feel very insignificant today.
I mean, it's not like people aren't paying attention to me, they are, but I feel like I'm being drowned out by other people. I mean, I just want one thing, but nobody's listening...
*sigh* this is probably just a temporary thing.
Looking at my schedule for the next couple weeks, there are several opportunities to make it go away; but, I don't see it changing tonight. Or tomorrow, maybe possibly. Wednesday? Um... Friday should be good. I'm expecting a ukulele, and that should distract from myself, but it won't fix anything...
Satur-- No... Not saturday. I don't know...
I guess I'll get through it somehow.
I mean, time won't stop or slow down or anything...
I just have to wait for it to pass.
Today, I feel (felt):
Beige, Grey, and Orange.
Showing posts with label Mondays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mondays. Show all posts
Monday, 21 December 2009
Monday, 14 December 2009
Numbered Lists.
Things bad with my life right now:
1. I look like a lesbian from 1996.
2. I've recently lost my sense of humour until further notice for reasons unbeknownst to me.
3. I'm still invisible and/or just not worth paying attention to, to everybody around me.
4. I'm tired and uninterested with life.
5. I'm cold.
6. I can't find the remote to my telly, and you can't change the channel otherwise.
7. I need to do laundry, but I'm never home when the washer is empty.
Things not-so-bad with my life right now.
1. I recently finished a hat I can't ever wear because everybody is a fuck nugget.
2. There are some hockey games tomorrow night I get to go to, and pretend to be happy at.
3. I can wear my hat to hockey.
4. I still have one friend from Saint Hell-hole that talks to me when she has time.
5. Breanna has fleas. (that one makes me laugh)
1. I look like a lesbian from 1996.
2. I've recently lost my sense of humour until further notice for reasons unbeknownst to me.
3. I'm still invisible and/or just not worth paying attention to, to everybody around me.
4. I'm tired and uninterested with life.
5. I'm cold.
6. I can't find the remote to my telly, and you can't change the channel otherwise.
7. I need to do laundry, but I'm never home when the washer is empty.
Things not-so-bad with my life right now.
1. I recently finished a hat I can't ever wear because everybody is a fuck nugget.
2. There are some hockey games tomorrow night I get to go to, and pretend to be happy at.
3. I can wear my hat to hockey.
4. I still have one friend from Saint Hell-hole that talks to me when she has time.
5. Breanna has fleas. (that one makes me laugh)
Monday, 23 November 2009
Malevolent Mondays
Well, today could've gone a hell of a lot better than it did. But, as life would've wanted me to, I learned something from it. And what is that you ask? Well, you'll have to read to find out. I'm not going to give away the ending when I've just begun...
Let's start off with some of my thoughts of the day, shall we?
(I probably don't--in other words don't-- feel the same way now. I'm just stating how I previously felt. Don't take anything in anyway; I was in a very bad state of mind)
12:49 p.m.
I've come up with another reason as to why I don't like it here: It's because I myself am so far different from everybody else here, when put into a group of people I seem to disappear. My opinion doesn't seem to matter and nither do I. I miss being with my people. My population. My city full of people who respect me. I miss being the star of a conversation. Having people hang on my every word. Being known as the funny, intellegent, cunning linguist I used to be. *sigh*... If only I hadn't been ripped from my environment and placed into this hell-hole of a town maybe my life wouldn't feel as worthless as it does... Oh, do I hate Mondays...
1:53 p.m.
I keep seeing people around town wearing my clothes. I need to start shopping elsewhere. Or making my own clothes. But that would require being "artistic" and "creative" of which, I am neither.
2:15 p.m.
This is the first time I've ever acted out in a way that was distructive. It's fun so far. Maybe I can turn it around into an art form. But I would need money to do that. And creativity...
That's all for now. Hmm... I guess I had more. And at least something a little more interesting at that, but I guess I was wrong. Oh, well. I'm not deleting it now, it took me a good minute to copy and paste that.
Let's see... What else did I want to add... Oh!
Okay. I think I figured out a little something about myself in order to delve into this emotion a bit farther...
I don't fit in with these people in this town at all. And I would complain about how I was so understood where I used to live, but I wasn't there either. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt like I belong somewhere or with any kind of group of people. (And to be honest, I don't think many people have. But I'm talking about myself, not other people...) Although, there is possibly-maybe an exception. And that's him. With him, I feel like there is possibly a place where I could fit into. And it's not him plus all of his friends, it's just him. We are two puzzle pieces that could snap together and then continue on in this world trying to figure out how we fit into the big picture. (By the way, it's a horse.) And so, I find comfort in this. He is maybe-possibly my alcove where I belong. And I am his. But I'm not 100% positive yet. We haven't been able to physically try fitting the pieces together yet. BUT, as far as we both can see (and I'm speaking for both of us) is that we've tried other pieces, they don't work, and we've been next to each other, and we look like we most likely would be able to fit together. The tab and the hole look to be about the same size, and all the angles look to fit and such... And I as well as other pieces in the box would bet money on it. You just can't be 100% positive about the future ever. On anything. That's not logical. But I feel like I could finally belong somewhere with someone, and that's a big thing...
I apologise that I have so much emotional baggage. If you can help me carry it, I will forever be there for you and yours, and all I want in return is a little help with some baggage. Doesn't that sound like a good deal?I think it does...
Let's start off with some of my thoughts of the day, shall we?
(I probably don't--in other words don't-- feel the same way now. I'm just stating how I previously felt. Don't take anything in anyway; I was in a very bad state of mind)
12:49 p.m.
I've come up with another reason as to why I don't like it here: It's because I myself am so far different from everybody else here, when put into a group of people I seem to disappear. My opinion doesn't seem to matter and nither do I. I miss being with my people. My population. My city full of people who respect me. I miss being the star of a conversation. Having people hang on my every word. Being known as the funny, intellegent, cunning linguist I used to be. *sigh*... If only I hadn't been ripped from my environment and placed into this hell-hole of a town maybe my life wouldn't feel as worthless as it does... Oh, do I hate Mondays...
1:53 p.m.
I keep seeing people around town wearing my clothes. I need to start shopping elsewhere. Or making my own clothes. But that would require being "artistic" and "creative" of which, I am neither.
2:15 p.m.
This is the first time I've ever acted out in a way that was distructive. It's fun so far. Maybe I can turn it around into an art form. But I would need money to do that. And creativity...
That's all for now. Hmm... I guess I had more. And at least something a little more interesting at that, but I guess I was wrong. Oh, well. I'm not deleting it now, it took me a good minute to copy and paste that.
Let's see... What else did I want to add... Oh!
Okay. I think I figured out a little something about myself in order to delve into this emotion a bit farther...
I don't fit in with these people in this town at all. And I would complain about how I was so understood where I used to live, but I wasn't there either. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt like I belong somewhere or with any kind of group of people. (And to be honest, I don't think many people have. But I'm talking about myself, not other people...) Although, there is possibly-maybe an exception. And that's him. With him, I feel like there is possibly a place where I could fit into. And it's not him plus all of his friends, it's just him. We are two puzzle pieces that could snap together and then continue on in this world trying to figure out how we fit into the big picture. (By the way, it's a horse.) And so, I find comfort in this. He is maybe-possibly my alcove where I belong. And I am his. But I'm not 100% positive yet. We haven't been able to physically try fitting the pieces together yet. BUT, as far as we both can see (and I'm speaking for both of us) is that we've tried other pieces, they don't work, and we've been next to each other, and we look like we most likely would be able to fit together. The tab and the hole look to be about the same size, and all the angles look to fit and such... And I as well as other pieces in the box would bet money on it. You just can't be 100% positive about the future ever. On anything. That's not logical. But I feel like I could finally belong somewhere with someone, and that's a big thing...
I apologise that I have so much emotional baggage. If you can help me carry it, I will forever be there for you and yours, and all I want in return is a little help with some baggage. Doesn't that sound like a good deal?I think it does...
