A funny feeling.

My heart kind of hurts.
I don't like it.

I've been trying to think of the best way to explain it.
And I still haven't thought of one, but I'm going to try...

It feels like I'm scared, sad, worried, nervous, lonely, and heartbroken all at the same time.
I hate it.

I think it's because the past few days have been... This colour.
That, and I've been listening to music that is fantastic, but the lyrics are not for someone like me.
They're for people who have had bad luck in the love field, and that used to be me.
It is no longer.
And music has just this substantial effect on my life, so... I don't know what I'm going to do.
I think I just need to talk it out.
And listen to more love songs.
Which isn't an easy thing to do.
I didn't notice it until I was in a deeper relationship, but there really aren't that many good songs about love. Good as in not shitty, and positive towards it.
I can only think of a couple off the top of my head, compared to the tens and tens of sad-love songs.
I should write some...
I've never done that before.
It would be an interesting experience.

Speaking of things... I've started on a couple lists.
I'm happy with myself.
It's harder than I thought, but I'm still having fun with it.

But all in all...
I want very much to be content right now.
I think tomorrow should be good.
*sigh*... I don't want it to happen though.
I'm not ready.
I wish it would go back a couple months, and then we can come back to now.
Or just skip to summer.
I don't like school.
It's stressful.
I'm terrified to do it.
And lazy about it.
Which doesn't help my problem...

Today I felt:
Whatever this is.


Edit:
I think I could use some attention too.
I feel like I've been kicked out of the social box left to wonder around the boarders of it, looking in on everyone else. I don't know what to do about that though. I'm going to give it a few days before I figure that out...

When there is nothing left to burn...

You must set yourself on fire.

So it's the last few hours of being trapped inside my house.
My tan fortress of solitude.
Which is good and bad. While I was stuck in here, I made up a list of eight cons about living alone.
Do you want to hear it?
Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.

1) There is nobody around incase you fall or are grabbed by a grab-me-gotcha from under the couch or something.
2) It takes forever to get the bed warm when you're trying to fall asleep. I swear I lay there freezing for half an hour before the sheets start to warm up from my body heat.

3-8) It's pretty lonely. Even with a cat.

Speaking of lists, I've included that topic into one of resolutions for the new year. Which I've made into a nice little list for your convenience.

1) Stop eating bad things. And use chopsticks more often.
2) Get a job, damn it.
3) Coming Soon!
4) Don't get pregnant. Nobody wants that.
5) Make lists about everything again. I used to and I loved it; I don't know why I stopped...
6) Coming Soon!

So yes.
I think that seems pretty reasonable.
I don't know what to think about the future.
Except, what I know about it so far, I'm pretty unhappy with.
So, I hope once we get past about... early May, it will get a hell of a lot better than what I more or less know how it's going to be up until then.
Actually, I hope it's not at all what I expect, and it's a lot better.
But whatever.

Bleh... I want to go back in time.
I like it there better because I already know what's going to happen and it's fun.
None of this "responsibility" shit.

Today I felt:
This colour.

Cluttered.

You know, I'd have to say this is my favourite place on the internet now. Because it's not filled with people that enrage me. It's just a place that's all me, where I can come and enjoy being with myself. It's... Nice. It's not cluttered with people, is what I'm getting at, I guess. But if you ever get lonely, you just go find some people to start talking to. So, you can't lose.

Okay. I started with the labels and such, and it turns out I have a lot of posts that don't have anything to do with anything, so I'm going to start talking about those things so I can use the labels more than once. I'm recycling!

First topic:

Today! I had fun. It was fun. I made a video! With my love. It was just peachy keen.

Here. Go watch. That's me! And I look good. I'm on the internet! Yeah... That's cool.

Second topic:

I have been listening to the Poddington Bear podcast for a while now, and I've kept it secret too long!

Go out and listen! It is by far some of the best music I've heard in a long time. So! Go forth and google or search on iTunes-- just get this into your possession.

Topic Three:

Red.

I recommend it.

Love, 

Emma

Huzzah!!!

I just bought my new album!
Yay!
I'm on the fourth track right now.
It's really fantastic.
*sigh*...
Yes. I'm happy.
I just finished eating breakfast-lunch-dinner and over all I feel pretty satisfied.
I could go for a shag, but it's just me here so I guess that will have to wait...


I wrote quite a bit today.
I think I'm going to take a short break from concentrating on poetry and move to more philosophical things. Just for a little bit.
My brain is spitting out those kinds of things so I'm going to roll with it.
It's also thinking up really silly, witty prose, and I'm quite happy with that.
I hope we can work something out to continue the manufacturing of silly, witty prose.

Hmm...
I'm in love.
And it feels good.
I want to visit a place that looks how I feel.
Holland?
Possibly...

I almost forgot what I came here for!
I've been reading this comic I re-found on the internet.
Lovely!
This is not my favourites, but it kind of went with my day so I wanted to share...

Love,
Emma

I'm going to add more

Now I'm listing to a Moby song.

I quite enjoy Moby. The song is "Porcelain".

It's really good.

Also, I was going to add that...

Crap, something.

That umm...

Well, I will remember sooner or later.

I will post after my band thing tonight also.

Maybe, I hope to.

I think I will since I don't have much work.

Weekend Update

This is my weekend update.

I went to that icky thing with my family.

It wasn't as bas as I thought it would've been.

But then again, nothing is.

I ate a salad, and one of my girlfriends from Saint Cloud came up and she came back to my house for the long-weekend.

We had a good time.

We made some crap, and did some shit on the Wii.

Fun was had by all.

I ate so much.

I couldn't stop being hungry.

And today, I wasn't hungry at all.

I was so depressed today.

I didn't want to get out of bed.

I wanted to cry like, all day but I couldn't because I was out in public.

I remembered something about myself today.

I get jealous so bad and so easily, and for really stupid reasons.

And then I get sad.

It's bad.

Augh!

I got carbonated beverage in my hair and it's so sticky.

I'm going to go wash it out.

I can't wait to take a shower tonight.

I have to go to this thing tonight for my band.

I don't really want to go.

But I have to.

Hey, Mr. Big is going to be there.

No!

Not Chris Noth!

This guy who, I guess I would say I'm sexually attracted to him, but I'm not like, trying to get him to like me, but if he does then that's absolutely fantastic.

You know?

Sorry, that was kind of hard to follow.

Maybe.

To me it makes sense, but I came up with it, so naturally it would.

IF I was trying to make sense.

Even if I wasn't I think I could still follow it myself.

Or at least make something up to it, but that's just me, I like to make things up.

Hmm...

I love kissing.

I had this thought kind of, and it was kind of like a situation that I came up with in my mind, and it made me really happy, but I can't remember what it was.

That makes me sad, because I liked it.

It was like a dream that I had when I was awake.

Crap-o.

Lately, not lately, like, the past six months or so I've had a really hard time separating my dreams from reality.

Like, I got really pissed at one of my friends for something that happened in my dream, and I seriously thought that it happened for real. But it didn't.

And I was really really confused.

That happens to me all the time.

If you leave I just don't think I could take it.

I'm listing to "Ladies of Cambridge" by Vampire Weekend.

It's a really good song.

I love it so much.

I got it this weekend.

I highly recommend it.

Now I'm going to look at the free song/video of the week.

They were all very bad.

I didn't like the free song, the discovery, or the video.

Another bad week.

Last week was bad too.

But the one before was pretty good.

If you haven't looked at them you can skip it.

Or look out of curiosity.

I would if I was in this situation.

Because I can't take not knowing something.

You know?

I'm going to stop before I ramble.

I'm so sick.

It hurts me physically.

Besides that I had a pretty good day.

It made me happy.

But I was so sick.

It was groos.

Not gross, groos.

I like that better.

But yeah.

I had some Chinese for dinner.

It was pretty much delicious.

There is a party in my tummy.

So yummy, so yummy.

*Sigh*...

Mmm...

My fortune was pretty much the second best one I've ever got.

It said:

"The current year will bring much happiness."

... In bed.

Isn't that what you're supposed to put afterwords?

I'm pretty sure it is.

But still.

Awesome, right?

I've got a thing for you, You've got thing for me.

I'm listing to the free music video of the week form iTunes.

It's like, the best one so far.

Ever since they started that, I've only disappointed with it like, twice.

Which is pretty impressive I think.

*Cough cough*

Yuck.

*Burp*

Whoa.

That was pretty much the best.

But oh, today I was so sick.

I didn't not feel pretty at all.

Which is weird because actually like, two people made me feel pretty today.

Hmm...

If that makes sense.

But it should.

Yeah.

I love boys.

My thing was awful.

My butt hurts.

I had to sit on a plastic slab for like, two hours.

It was so awful.

Oh, I was looking at this thing, and I thought that Eric--you know, Eric--was going to come up here, but it looks like not.

I wanted to be like, "Look, I'm still desirable to you. Ha ha! You can't have me!"

And that would've been awesome.

He is such a bigot.

But he can't help it.

I have mixed feelings about the situation.

Mmm...

My brain is... broken.

It needs to be fixed.

I'm so proud of myself though.

Today, I went beyond my comfort zone.

Even thought I probably shouldn't have, but I still did it.

Yeah...

Go myself.

I need to get some Cherry ChapStick.

Not because of that, but because of something else.

Eww...

Sometimes, I don't much care for Pop culture these days.

But I do like ska.

That's the other thing.

Ask me if you want clarification.

I had a good idea.

But it is a silly one.

I'm going to cut this off all of a sudden.

P.S.

I couldn't find any picture to relate to my day, but i found this video.

I wish I could find the music on iTunes. But I can't.

(sad face).

Still a great video though.

How To Shower - Men Vs Women - The top video clips of the week are here

Tales from the internet...

Today I was looking for things on the internet.

While I was doing so, I mistook the URL bar for the google search bar, and the internet took me to a site, get this... called the digital giraffe. And my first thought was "neat-o! Digital... giraffes." But it's actually a site with pictures of digital sculptures. This disappointed me. I was expecting much more. One funny thing, was that her e-mail address is giraffe@giraffe.com. That is pretty neat. But it's stupid because nowhere did I see any sign of giraffes. Very frustrating. Hey, this is a good song. Sorry, change of topic... anyway, I'm listing to one of my stations on Jango.com, (if you are a music lover and don't have an account on there I highly recommend it), and this song came up, called "Aquarius (Version 3) by Boarders of Canada. You should look it up. Because I like it. And I have pretty good tastes in music.  Speaking of music, nearly all day I had a David Bowie song stuck in my head. Has that ever happened to you? I'm sure it has. It happens to everyone. I enjoy David Bowie.

Last night, I think I had that same dream that I had explained to you earlier. Actually, I think I thought about it so much today, I can't remember my dream form last night and replace the missing memory with a familiar one.

That sounds much more probable. New song! Calvin Harris too. Very nice! Electro Man.

This is good so far. Very good.

I approve of it.

Because Calvin Harris is a very hit or miss kinda guy.

But this is good.

Danceable.

You know who is danceable?

Datarock.

Apple has used their album art for the new Nano commercials.

Which is good.

Gives them a boost.

*yawn*

See you later.