Who Are You and What Are You Doing in My Kitchen? Part III

Where am I? Where are you?
Well, long story short, we are on Earth, but anybody could tell you that. I'm going to tell you where you actually are...

So, science has deduced that we live in some random spot in the Universe, which is big. Really big. You just can't imagine how big it really is. It has in it, everything that has ever existed ever. Well, at least since the beginning of it. Who knows what was there, if anything, before the universe. But that's a different story. Our Universe, where "Earth" is, is, well, where "Earth" is. It's where everything is. If you want something, I can assure you you'll find it in the Universe. Any kind of matter, all the time, cats, everything! Including us. But, where exactly is the Universe? As far as I know, It's everywhere! It's so big, it takes up 93 billion light years in space. That's enormous. Don't even ask me how enormous that is, because I'm no astronomer, I'm a person. I just know that this makes everybody and everything extremely insignificant. It really makes everything quite pointless.

So, we live on Earth. Yes. And the Earth is somewhere in the universe. Yes. And the Universe takes up a space in Space that is nearly incomprehensible. Yes. So, where is Space? ...Yes?

Who Are You and What Are You Doing in My Kitchen? Part II

What am I doing here? What is my purpose?

Well, as far as I see it, there is no rhyme or reason to why anything is anything. We as a society accept things as they are, and forget about it. If the grass was orange instead of green, or cats evolved to be three feet tall, that's just they way it would be, and we would write a wikipedia page about it, and move on with our lives. So, whether or not you die happy, in some sexy accident, or just as miserable as the rest of the world has no affect on the future, the present, or the past; anything you, or anyone else does now won't change the outcome of anything. So, I ask again, What am I doing here? And the simple answer is Living. You are "alive", and just what are you supposed to do with your life? Whatever makes you happy.

Happiness feels good, and I bet that you would rather spend your life feeling good than feeling bad.

Who are you, and what are you doing in my kitchen? Part I

So, today I present you with this question: Who am I, what am I doing here, and just where am I anyway? Over the course of however many days, I'm going to try to answer this in three different parts, the best I can. So, to begin, Part One: Who am I?


Well, through out the course of my life, and I'm sure yours, time after time, I've been told that I am human. So, I guess I am a human, whatever that word means. I am much taller than a bug, and a lot shorter than a tree; I am driven by emotions rather than ration or logic, and I really like to talk to other things like me. I exist, or so it seems. I'm not sure why I am, or where I am for that matter, but as far as I can tell, other humans see and hear me, so I assume that I am a real.
I think. I can hear things without talking. These thoughts are real; they are happening as I think them. Sometimes I write them down. I can see things. I interpret and try to understand the things and other beings I see. I hear noises that everything makes; and everything makes noise. It's very noisy where ever I am.
I feel. I like to feel. I like to feel people touching me, and I like to touch everything; everything has it's own feeling, it's own warmth or cold. I can smell. Everything smells different. I remember smells quite well.
Remember: I can re-think of thoughts and sights and touches and smells and sounds. I remember a lot.

I do these things a lot. What does it mean?

a number.

I have a classic question for you:
How much of an individual am I?


All throughout our childhood and even a little now, we are told that we are special; there is no one like us in the world. But to what extent is this true? There is you, and there are 6 billion, and growing, other people in this tiny blue stone. Is there enough diversity on a molecular level that can completely make one person an individual? The short answer is YES. Because, well, there is. But hard facts aside, there is always some point in one's life where their "special-ness" is questioned. Whether it is because of a close passer-by that seems to be jacking your look, or it is the sudden realization that every-other chick in your generation has the same coat, same shoes, and same usual at Starbucks, there is going to be some point in your life in which you feel like just another forest-green blade of grass...

I'm blogging about this because I came across quite a few things today that raised this question in my mind, and I wondered how much other people think about this. I wondered, how many other people try so hard to be their own person, and think they stand out from everybody else, when really the only thing keeping them from disappearing into a crowd is the fact that they aren't invisible.
I think everybody wants to be so different and special and new and clever and admired by everybody around them. It's a human urge; a basic instinct to be the center of everybody's attention. And that makes me wonder how much of our lives is spent trying to achieve that; how much disappointment we face because even when we try, we can't completely be different from everybody else. There is always someone with better ideas and is a little more brave to stand up and say what they think in some way or another.

I wonder if we can learn to let go of this want to be the red tulip in a field of yellow, and just do what what you want to do; eat what you're hungry for; dress in what is most comfortable; live whatever life style is natural to you... If that can make everything a little more blissful.

Malevolent Mondays

Well, today could've gone a hell of a lot better than it did. But, as life would've wanted me to, I learned something from it. And what is that you ask? Well, you'll have to read to find out. I'm not going to give away the ending when I've just begun...

Let's start off with some of my thoughts of the day, shall we?
(I probably don't--in other words don't-- feel the same way now. I'm just stating how I previously felt. Don't take anything in anyway; I was in a very bad state of mind)

12:49 p.m.
I've come up with another reason as to why I don't like it here: It's because I myself am so far different from everybody else here, when put into a group of people I seem to disappear. My opinion doesn't seem to matter and nither do I. I miss being with my people. My population. My city full of people who respect me. I miss being the star of a conversation. Having people hang on my every word. Being known as the funny, intellegent, cunning linguist I used to be. *sigh*... If only I hadn't been ripped from my environment and placed into this hell-hole of a town maybe my life wouldn't feel as worthless as it does... Oh, do I hate Mondays...

1:53 p.m.
I keep seeing people around town wearing my clothes. I need to start shopping elsewhere. Or making my own clothes. But that would require being "artistic" and "creative" of which, I am neither.

2:15 p.m.
This is the first time I've ever acted out in a way that was distructive. It's fun so far. Maybe I can turn it around into an art form. But I would need money to do that. And creativity...

That's all for now. Hmm... I guess I had more. And at least something a little more interesting at that, but I guess I was wrong. Oh, well. I'm not deleting it now, it took me a good minute to copy and paste that.

Let's see... What else did I want to add... Oh!
Okay. I think I figured out a little something about myself in order to delve into this emotion a bit farther...
I don't fit in with these people in this town at all. And I would complain about how I was so understood where I used to live, but I wasn't there either. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt like I belong somewhere or with any kind of group of people. (And to be honest, I don't think many people have. But I'm talking about myself, not other people...) Although, there is possibly-maybe an exception. And that's him. With him, I feel like there is possibly a place where I could fit into. And it's not him plus all of his friends, it's just him. We are two puzzle pieces that could snap together and then continue on in this world trying to figure out how we fit into the big picture. (By the way, it's a horse.) And so, I find comfort in this. He is maybe-possibly my alcove where I belong. And I am his. But I'm not 100% positive yet. We haven't been able to physically try fitting the pieces together yet. BUT, as far as we both can see (and I'm speaking for both of us) is that we've tried other pieces, they don't work, and we've been next to each other, and we look like we most likely would be able to fit together. The tab and the hole look to be about the same size, and all the angles look to fit and such... And I as well as other pieces in the box would bet money on it. You just can't be 100% positive about the future ever. On anything. That's not logical. But I feel like I could finally belong somewhere with someone, and that's a big thing...

I apologise that I have so much emotional baggage. If you can help me carry it, I will forever be there for you and yours, and all I want in return is a little help with some baggage. Doesn't that sound like a good deal?I think it does...

Billy Williams?

You know... I've been thinking quite a lot the past week... and it turns out all of my problems are completely internally-created. Get it? I make my life harder for myself. And I don't mean to do it. I really wish I could change my personality a little bit so I wasn't an opportunistic, jealous (this seems to be my biggest problem), kind of person who bottles up her emotions and doesn't know how to put herself before others. That would help immensely. But then I think... Would it really?
If I didn't make myself miserable, would I still be a moderately happy person? If there was nothing for me to complain about; If there was nothing for me to be sad about, would I still be happy?
I don't think so.
I think I need to be depressed to be happy.
I need a reason to be the centre of attention.
Why?
Why do I need people to be sympathetic for me?
There is nothing wrong with my life.
I have a fantastic life compared to most of the world.

... What's wrong with me?
And what would happen if I could forget about all that.
Ignore the things that bother me and find peace within myself.
Start on a path for finding peace within the world, and eventually the universe...
Hey...
Is that what enlightenment is?
Hmm...
Then again, what would that be?
"Enlightenment".
In other words, total happiness.
Bliss if you will.
Eternal bliss.
Is that possible?
Can any one living creature forget all the things that upset them, be content with themselves, not be angry with anyone being on earth, and just be satisfied with the overall state of the universe?
Has anything done that?
Can the brain do that?
Can I do that?
Could I be the first to?
Should I even bother?
I'm just going to die.
And so is everyone.
Everything is going to revert to it's original state of simple matter eventually.
Is there any point to anything?
Does anything I do matter if it's not going to change the eventual, final outcome?

I don't know...

Dancing.

Tomorrow is going to be so long.
I'm going to be leaving my house at eight in the morning, and returning after nine...
That's ridiculous.

Hmm... I don't really have anything to say, I'm just using this to procrastinate.
I have so little work to do, but I don't want to do it...
So I'm just going to be spitting out random thoughts.

Hey, I think I know how I want to contribute to society!
I think. I don't know.
I still have to philosophise about it for quite some time, but I'm pretty sure I have myself almost figured out.
I'm happy.
Although I'm still very upset because I can't do a stupid cartwheel.
That should be an easy feat to accomplish!
But I can't. >:(
I will though.
Someday...

One. More. Week.
I have been waiting two months for this album to come out.
The date is written on all of my calendars.
And. I. Am. So. Excited.
... Yay!
I'm going to blag about it when I purchase it.
Be prepared...

Do you like my new background colour?
It's called "FFFFCC".
I love it.
I wish I had a room this colour.
Or something large that I look at everyday.
Such as a couch or a person or something.
I don't know...

I'm going to leave now.
To... dance.
To dance the dance of life!
Woo!