I don't know what to call it.

Okay, so I had this dream that was like, three parts over the course of three nights, so I'm going to put it all together in one big-ass sentence for you...

So, I was in English, just like any other day, and we were doing stuff and shit and stuff, and then it was time for me to go to band, so everybody left and instead of talking to my Wyatt and Breanna, and ignoring Brittany like we do, I just ran to the band room for some reason and we started doing this song that I like, so I was like "Yay!"but then somebody fell down a huge flight of stairs just outside, so we just sat there while adults went and looked at it, and I was talking to Cassie, Kyle, and Cheese like I usually do, and then Kyle asked me about playing this game with tornados and chestnuts and I didn't know what he was talking about, and then I turned to ask Cassie something, and when I turned back to Kyle, he kissed me and I didn't know what to do and I was freaking out and trying to tell him that he can't do that because I have my Wyatt and I don't like him anymore but he kept trying to touch me so I ran to go find Wyatt but when I walked out of the room it turned into this house I've never been to before, and it was like a house party and it was the cast of Sex and the City, and all of Wyatt's friends who I'm not at all familiar with, and they were all looking at me with these awful glares, and I was trying to look down and Noah grabbed me and was like "Hey! I found you! Wyatt's been waiting for you in his  'room'", and he used air quotes and everything, and he dragged me into the basement which turned out to be the attic, and Wyatt was swimming in this big pool, and I jumped in to get to him, and we were swimming around together, and the bottom of the pool was glass so we could see the people in the house, and we were watching and making fun of them because all of a sudden we could breathe and talk underwater, and then Wyatt turned into Noah and he was like "Wyatt asked me to go have fun with you because he is busy," (just like on Pulp Fiction!), and so we went out to a movie and we saw all of my old friends standing around in the lobby and they saw me and we were talking to them for a while and Wyatt was there all of a sudden and he kidnapped me from the cinema, and we were driving back to my hose and he was trying to explain to me how Noah was trying to take me back to England because I was famous there and all this weird stuff I've never heard before, and we were in this car that was like a moving room an wheels, and when we got to my house it was filled with water, so we had to swim to get everywhere, and also, it was my old house in my previous town so, not my big tan one, but my big blue one, anyway, we were swimming around and we got to my old bedroom and it was all the same, except there were all these people that were Wyatt's friends hiding in my closet and they were trying to get me so I jumped out of the window into this big garden that was like the pink flower-y level on the second Katamari, and I was rolling around in these flowers trying to stand up, and I just kept rolling in place, so I dove into them and I was back at school but nobody was there because it was on fire and they were all outside watching it burn, so I was trying to get out of there as fast as I could, but I got lost in this huge hall full of all these different staircases, and I chose a door instead, but it took me to a staircase that lead to an air duct, and crawled through and it took me to a ledge on the outside of the school, and I had to jump off into a crowd of people to not die, so I did, but I landed on some snow because they all ran out of the way when I wasn't looking in mid-air, and Wyatt came over to me but I didn't know because I was almost dead and then I woke up.

Yep.
I don't know what it means.
Usually, I can figure these things out, but not this one.

A funny feeling.

My heart kind of hurts.
I don't like it.

I've been trying to think of the best way to explain it.
And I still haven't thought of one, but I'm going to try...

It feels like I'm scared, sad, worried, nervous, lonely, and heartbroken all at the same time.
I hate it.

I think it's because the past few days have been... This colour.
That, and I've been listening to music that is fantastic, but the lyrics are not for someone like me.
They're for people who have had bad luck in the love field, and that used to be me.
It is no longer.
And music has just this substantial effect on my life, so... I don't know what I'm going to do.
I think I just need to talk it out.
And listen to more love songs.
Which isn't an easy thing to do.
I didn't notice it until I was in a deeper relationship, but there really aren't that many good songs about love. Good as in not shitty, and positive towards it.
I can only think of a couple off the top of my head, compared to the tens and tens of sad-love songs.
I should write some...
I've never done that before.
It would be an interesting experience.

Speaking of things... I've started on a couple lists.
I'm happy with myself.
It's harder than I thought, but I'm still having fun with it.

But all in all...
I want very much to be content right now.
I think tomorrow should be good.
*sigh*... I don't want it to happen though.
I'm not ready.
I wish it would go back a couple months, and then we can come back to now.
Or just skip to summer.
I don't like school.
It's stressful.
I'm terrified to do it.
And lazy about it.
Which doesn't help my problem...

Today I felt:
Whatever this is.


Edit:
I think I could use some attention too.
I feel like I've been kicked out of the social box left to wonder around the boarders of it, looking in on everyone else. I don't know what to do about that though. I'm going to give it a few days before I figure that out...

Cluttered.

You know, I'd have to say this is my favourite place on the internet now. Because it's not filled with people that enrage me. It's just a place that's all me, where I can come and enjoy being with myself. It's... Nice. It's not cluttered with people, is what I'm getting at, I guess. But if you ever get lonely, you just go find some people to start talking to. So, you can't lose.

Okay. I started with the labels and such, and it turns out I have a lot of posts that don't have anything to do with anything, so I'm going to start talking about those things so I can use the labels more than once. I'm recycling!

First topic:

Today! I had fun. It was fun. I made a video! With my love. It was just peachy keen.

Here. Go watch. That's me! And I look good. I'm on the internet! Yeah... That's cool.

Second topic:

I have been listening to the Poddington Bear podcast for a while now, and I've kept it secret too long!

Go out and listen! It is by far some of the best music I've heard in a long time. So! Go forth and google or search on iTunes-- just get this into your possession.

Topic Three:

Red.

I recommend it.

Love, 

Emma

Malevolent Mondays

Well, today could've gone a hell of a lot better than it did. But, as life would've wanted me to, I learned something from it. And what is that you ask? Well, you'll have to read to find out. I'm not going to give away the ending when I've just begun...

Let's start off with some of my thoughts of the day, shall we?
(I probably don't--in other words don't-- feel the same way now. I'm just stating how I previously felt. Don't take anything in anyway; I was in a very bad state of mind)

12:49 p.m.
I've come up with another reason as to why I don't like it here: It's because I myself am so far different from everybody else here, when put into a group of people I seem to disappear. My opinion doesn't seem to matter and nither do I. I miss being with my people. My population. My city full of people who respect me. I miss being the star of a conversation. Having people hang on my every word. Being known as the funny, intellegent, cunning linguist I used to be. *sigh*... If only I hadn't been ripped from my environment and placed into this hell-hole of a town maybe my life wouldn't feel as worthless as it does... Oh, do I hate Mondays...

1:53 p.m.
I keep seeing people around town wearing my clothes. I need to start shopping elsewhere. Or making my own clothes. But that would require being "artistic" and "creative" of which, I am neither.

2:15 p.m.
This is the first time I've ever acted out in a way that was distructive. It's fun so far. Maybe I can turn it around into an art form. But I would need money to do that. And creativity...

That's all for now. Hmm... I guess I had more. And at least something a little more interesting at that, but I guess I was wrong. Oh, well. I'm not deleting it now, it took me a good minute to copy and paste that.

Let's see... What else did I want to add... Oh!
Okay. I think I figured out a little something about myself in order to delve into this emotion a bit farther...
I don't fit in with these people in this town at all. And I would complain about how I was so understood where I used to live, but I wasn't there either. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt like I belong somewhere or with any kind of group of people. (And to be honest, I don't think many people have. But I'm talking about myself, not other people...) Although, there is possibly-maybe an exception. And that's him. With him, I feel like there is possibly a place where I could fit into. And it's not him plus all of his friends, it's just him. We are two puzzle pieces that could snap together and then continue on in this world trying to figure out how we fit into the big picture. (By the way, it's a horse.) And so, I find comfort in this. He is maybe-possibly my alcove where I belong. And I am his. But I'm not 100% positive yet. We haven't been able to physically try fitting the pieces together yet. BUT, as far as we both can see (and I'm speaking for both of us) is that we've tried other pieces, they don't work, and we've been next to each other, and we look like we most likely would be able to fit together. The tab and the hole look to be about the same size, and all the angles look to fit and such... And I as well as other pieces in the box would bet money on it. You just can't be 100% positive about the future ever. On anything. That's not logical. But I feel like I could finally belong somewhere with someone, and that's a big thing...

I apologise that I have so much emotional baggage. If you can help me carry it, I will forever be there for you and yours, and all I want in return is a little help with some baggage. Doesn't that sound like a good deal?I think it does...

Huzzah!!!

I just bought my new album!
Yay!
I'm on the fourth track right now.
It's really fantastic.
*sigh*...
Yes. I'm happy.
I just finished eating breakfast-lunch-dinner and over all I feel pretty satisfied.
I could go for a shag, but it's just me here so I guess that will have to wait...


I wrote quite a bit today.
I think I'm going to take a short break from concentrating on poetry and move to more philosophical things. Just for a little bit.
My brain is spitting out those kinds of things so I'm going to roll with it.
It's also thinking up really silly, witty prose, and I'm quite happy with that.
I hope we can work something out to continue the manufacturing of silly, witty prose.

Hmm...
I'm in love.
And it feels good.
I want to visit a place that looks how I feel.
Holland?
Possibly...

I almost forgot what I came here for!
I've been reading this comic I re-found on the internet.
Lovely!
This is not my favourites, but it kind of went with my day so I wanted to share...

Love,
Emma